Since starting this blog and working at my new job I am becoming more witty, and with this, confidence.
I notice I can now come back with funny comments, unlike before when I might have felt uncomfortable and laughed.
A social interaction at work yesterday displays this:
- Abbey
- King Pin, you’ll like it, you’re seem to be in touch with your feminine side
- King Pin
- only when I’m touching someone else
After I said this, she bursted out laughing! and said she wasn’t expecting me to say that.
Boom! I love it when you work on something so hard, and it finally shows improvement. I have had lots of interactions like the above one recently.
One thing I have learnt is that you do not have to answer an awkward or probing question, simply answer it in a funny way (like above), or answer it with another question. I am going to blog about this next.
Technorati Tags: witty, confidence, wit, vibing, social, social skills
October 14th, 2006
Do you find yourself teasing a friend of yours, and suddenly realise you are making him uncomfortable? Even though you only meant to joke about or ‘take the piss’ in Brit-speak, it does no good for the interaction or your relationship with your friend.
I was at a good friend’s birthday bash, and a couple of social encounters made me realise I need to bring out the charm more. Here are the interactions.
Interaction 1: Taking the Mickey
The birthday girl’s boyfriend is also a good friend of mine. Infact I’ve known him longer. We were talking in the VIP room of a West London club. The conversation was drinks.
- Me
- What’s that you’re drinking?
- MaleFriend
- JD and Coke
- Me
- Dude, that’s a *girl’s* drink
- MaleFriend
- No, it’s… (I cut him off)
- Me
- Hey, do you know how I know you’re gay? Cos you’re drinking a girl’s drink! *small burst of laughter from me*
I mean we weren’t vibing, so it was totally out of the blue. I guess I was trying to lighten the mood, though the choice of taking the Mickey out of his drink was a bad one.
What I could have said.
- MaleFriend
- JD and Coke
- Me
- Niice! Jack n coke has the warmest taste…love it. etc…
Interaction 2: Taking a Compliment
I love compliments about my dancing abilities. I know I can dance, and its even better when other people take notice.
This is what happened. Same birthday thing, same club but dancing in the R&B room. A friend of mine compliments.
- IndianHB7
- I’m impressed with your dancing King Pin
- Me
- Thank you
Feeling good about this, thinking yea I’ve got some moves. The conversation of course never started, and she might think I’m stuck up, or at least not charming.
Should have been:
- IndianHB7
- I’m impressed with your dancing King Pin
- Me
- Thanks, you’re pretty good at dancing yourself.
The thing is I actually did think she danced very well. Second best dancer there that night after myself and my girl. But why didn’t I say so? Because I was enjoying the compliment too much.
Social Lesson Learnt:
- Don’t Tease: Even if you’re only joking, you are still making the other person feel bad, especially if they’re insecure.
- Be Charming: Return compliments geniunely
Technorati Tags: charm, charming, teasing, tease, social skills, people skills, conversing, conversation
October 8th, 2006
One thing that tends to happen with me is whenever I get a lot of attention, I get abit shy and my heart starts to beat a little quicker.
This happened today when everyone at work (6 other people) commented that I eat a lot. Like normally, I started to explain why..
breakfast does not fill me up..
I try to space out my meals..
etc.
Boring stuff. As the article Social Vibing explains very well, it is not what you say, it is how you interact. I gave up an good opportunity to interact and vibe by giving answers that people can only go ‘ahh, OK’ to, and goes with it the conversation.
What I could have done was to joke about it, and say..
Yea, I’ve got a Tardis for a stomach!
From which people can bounch off jokes etc. To give more of a context, I am a slim guy. And for those that don’t know, Tardis is a phone box from a popular UK TV show by the name of Doctor Who. Inside this ordinary-sized phone box is a huge room.
So, social lesson learnt: vibe.
September 26th, 2006
Lee Warren has an interesting post on interactions in his little Little Nuances Blog. Two bits I fould I related particularly well to were:
Like when you get on an elevator with a member of the opposite sex who you don’t know and you both sort of pretend the other person isn’t there. Nobody glances. Nobody says a word. But then you get off the elevator and as you pass somebody in a hallway, you exchange salutations. What is it about elevators that make us clam up so?
So true! This has happened to me in the past. I do feel I am growing out of this, and though I still feel hesitant before initiating a conversation in the elevator, I would still do it.
As a male, I’m always conscious of the fact that when I’m interacting with a woman, that she may be leery because she doesn’t know my intentions. And I’m sure that women are a little hesitant to initiate polite interaction with men for fear of sending the wrong message. I really don’t see any way around this between the sexes, but I suspect all of us could do a little more to encourage interaction between people.
Yep yep yep. I still feel like this, especially if I am attracted to the woman.
Technorati Tags: talking to the opposite sex, talking to strangers, talking, interaction, reservations
September 17th, 2006
I have been getting increasingly stressed at work recently. One of the reason is doing what I do (or did), telesales, is just frustrating. This coupled with cliquey behaviour at work is just damn annoying.
I believe apart of the clique/social thing is due to me. I might have said things during the week that have offended. Perhaps it’s the tone of my voice, I don’t vary it enough to let people know I’m just joking.
This is one of the occasions. The boss was getting a couple of pizzas for work. This is how he gets people to work during lunch. Sly. People were choosing their toppings.
- Abbey
- Can I get beef and onion
- Me
- Ugh. Beef and onion, that’s disgusting.
I didn’t mean it in an offensive way, but she took it as such. Sighed, and rolled her eyes or something.
We’ve had a few of these encounters now. I’m going to speak to her one to one, and try to clear up the air on Monday. I’m going to tell her look, I’m sorry if I’ve offended you at all, I didn’t mean to, and I hope we can put it behind us and start a fresh. Something along those lines.
Social Lesson Being Learnt: Get to know people first, before jokingly put down people. They are likely to get offended otherwise.
I am also not speaking loud enough! It is almost I don’t want people to hear what I’m saying so they cannot judge me, but I want to say it at the same time. I’m not a pussy. Speak up!
Technorati Tags: work stress, work relations, speaking up, voice tonality, voice, social skills, office environment
September 16th, 2006
This happened a few days ago, on Tuesday.
It was the second day at my new job. Things are going well, and I am starting to get to know everyone at the office.
I was just about to leave the office and make drinks for everyone, when someone said “Oh go on, tell the poor guy”. Referring to me. I didn’t know what they were talking about, and shom how shyed away from asking.
I have done this in the past. I now realize I should have said “What, what about me?”
Social Lesson Learnt: Do not shy away from asking questions when people are referring to you.
September 10th, 2006
I started my new job today at a Surrey(UK)-based Online Marketing Agency. My role is to bring in new business through telesales and online marketing. Wicked. Much better than my last one.
So, on with it.
The company is based in an office centre, sharing an office with many others. I was put in the kitchen to do a test. There was a TV in a corner of the kitchen, and it was showing the news. An ExoticHB7 from another company walks into the kitchen. The news was on the death of Steve “Crocodile Hunter” Irwin.
- Me
- Isn’t it terrible
- ExoticHB7
- (turns around) Yea, it is.
- Me
- Well, I guess that’s what you get when you play with fire.
- ExoticHB7
- (she didn’t hear me) Sorry?
- Me
- (stutters little. It always unnerves me when someone does not quite hear me. It’s a small complex of mine) I guess that’s what you get when you play with matches.(I thought I’d change the word slightly for her to better understand me)
- ExoticHB7
- Yea, I always thought he’d kill himself some day with the stuff he was doing.
- Me
- (I changed the subject here. What I should have done is carried on with the topic: “Yea(with enthusiam)! that crazy nutt. You’d never get me doing that!”) So, do you work here?
- ExoticHB7
- Yea(lots of yea’s in this convo), I work for blah blah fire equipment recruitment agency
- Me
- (some small talk) What’s your name?
- ExoticHB7
- Maysa
- Me
- (I motion to shake her hands, and shake her hands) I’m King Pin
- ExoticHB7
- King Pen?
- Me
- (I should have lightened up and made a joke of it. “haha, everyone says that”) No, King Pin./dd>
I then asked whether she was Indian. I think she got offended at this. I have seen this happen before. Don’t do it! Just say it’s an interesting name and ask how her parents come up with it.
Social Lessons:
1) Be more ethusiatic. Have more PASSION in my speach! I am going to start attending my local chapter of ToastMasters
2) Don’t ask if someone is a certain race/ethnicity. If you get it wrong, they might be offended.
3) Carry on conversations. Continuing with same topic
September 4th, 2006
I am trying to get this blog noticed, so send me mountains of traffic Technorati!
August 31st, 2006
I’ll keep this post short and sweet.
A good-looking friend came over today. My Uncle and I picked her up from the bus stop. As we pulled over at the bus stop, I wanted to go out and greet her with a couple of pecks on the cheek, but she ran straight into the back of the car.
As we got out of the car, I should have greeted her properly then, but I chickened out for whatever reason. Maybe because I didn’t want my Uncle to see.
All this is incredibly stupid I know. I should just get on with it and stop wasting my time blogging!
Social Lesson Learnt: Stop dicking around. Just confidently do whatever you want to do.
August 31st, 2006
I felt really confident today, and made a few social calls.
Jessica @ Co-Op
Jessica and I get on pretty well. She’s jokey and friendly. Definitely someone I’d like to be friends with. With that in mind, I asked her out for a drink as friends. Just friends, as I am happily attached.
- Me
- What ya doing tomorrow?
- Jess
- I’ve got the day off. Why?
- Me
- I thought it’d be cool if we went for a drink, as friends.
She giggled and blushed. She obviously thought I meant more than just friends. She ended up refusing to give me her number but rather took mine.
Positive to take away: reaching out.
To learn from: Got defensive when she said she’d consider it. I wasn’t expecting that! Stay calm. Next time say:”What, you need to consider whether you’d be thirsty tomorrow?”
August 30th, 2006
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